**Q: My husband has gotten emails from dating sites, and heclaims they’re spam. I’m concerned that when he travels for work,and I don’t hear from him, he’s using these dating sites for hookups.Is this common, and most importantly, how can I find out?**> **A: Getting dating site emails does not mean** he has logged into them, but it also doesn’t mean he hasn’t. Many sites have disclosures we sign without thinking which allow them to sell and/or share information with other sites and/or companies. A bigger concern might be that you are thinking about this possibility in the first place. What has given you the impression that you should distrust him? These issues with lack of trust usually stem because something has happened in this or another relationship in the past or because of someone’s owninsecurities and self-esteem issues. If it is directly related to something in THIS marriage, you might consider seeing a marriage counselor just to work on healing within the relationship between the two of you. If this has to do with a past relationship or you, you could always see a counselor to address insecurities or past hurts/traumas. Keep in mind, there are many “spyware” items to get information off of phones and computers. There are also a number of private investigators within this area. Just be prepared! You may find information you aren't ready to handle.!
**Q: I know a guy who’s married, and has kids, but is clearlygay. It’s a free country and I don’t care. But he hits on me in anuncomfortable way. I now look to avoid places where I think Imay run into him. It’s frustrating because he’s closeted and no oneknows he’s gay, so I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it.**> **A: I would be interested to know the reason** you feel you are clear on HIS sexuality. Is he just being overly friendly, or is he making overt moves on you? If his “hitting on you” is uncomfortable, this is no different than if he were a woman making you uncomfortable.Avoidance is typically not the answer to a problem. Do life the wayyou typically would. The next time you encounter him and he trieshitting on you, pull him aside. Point out what is creating uncomfortable feelings within you. Let him explain his actions. Explainto him that you would appreciate him backing off of you. Let himknow his interest isn’t reciprocated. If the behavior continues, maybetell him your conscience will require you to disclose this behaviorto his wife, if he cannot respect your requests.
**If you have an anonymous question you'd like to ask Dr. Misty, please email it to info@abouttown.io**.
Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT Nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.
## The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
