Q: I have a good friend who is, for lack of a nicer term, a hypocrite. She loves to give advice, but is always the first person to do the exact opposite of what she says you should do.
A: How do I talk to her about this? It gets very frustrating interacting with her and I’m afraid I might blow up at her soon!
Unfortunately, hypocrites will always exist in our world!
If I had to guess, most of us are a little guilty of that ourselves...eek! We are, however, given the power to choose whether or not we keep them there. You mention that she is a good friend. No need to blow up at her! I do really like to think that people can change! My profession probably wouldn’t exist, if that weren’t actually true, or at least hoped for by people. Instead of blowing up at her or just writing her off, which is what some people might choose, you should talk to her! Talking to her may or may not do any good. However, I can almost guarantee that she will not change at all, unless someone helps her become aware of this really annoying thing that she does! You need to go into the conversation being very aware that she may become upset or completely disagree with what you were saying! The conversation needs to be kind and gentle with you giving her some specific examples of instances in which this has happened. If you think she gives good advice, you should inquire as to why she chooses not to take her own advice. > If she chooses not to change, the decision to remain friends is yours. She might be a really great friend at the moment, but you might need to put some distance between the two of you. Maybe you take her advice for what it is, and choose to utilize the good parts even when she doesn’t! Many people in this world are more about “do as I say not as I do”…That does not necessarily mean what they say is bad advice!
Q: I’m recently divorced and have started to casually date again. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at all, but I met a great guy (who is also recently divorced) and I really like him! I don’t want to get too serious too fast because I am a little scared of getting hurt again so soon.
A: How do I play it cool? What exactly do you mean by playing it cool? Sometimes honesty really is the best policy. You don’t want to push him away by making him think you aren’t interested! You both ARE recently divorced. That leaves the potential for emotions to be raw and/or high! However, there is no magic number of days, months, or years that determine when someone is ready to date again after a divorce. Many people have been separated for significant periods of time before a divorce is actually final. > Some marriages are extremely unhealthy, and people might not be ready for anything serious for quite some time. This same factor might mean that they are ready sooner than most. Communication is key! Use your voice. If you think you really like this person, don’t be afraid to tell them or ask for what you want. Obviously, try to “read” the person. Some signals are really clear that a person isn’t ready. Don’t ignore those. Use your better judgement.Evaluate your own readiness level. I have seen people marry quickly after divorce and live happily ever after! Don’t let a “good one” slip thru your fingers because you felt you needed to “play it cool.”
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Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT Nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
