Q: My daughter is marrying someone my husband and I do not like. There are serious character flaws, and we’re not confident he will ever be able to provide for our daughter. We’ve expressed our concerns to her in numerous ways, but nothing has worked, and now they are engaged. What can we do?

A: It sounds like this is an adult daughter.** At this point in her life, you are there to be an advisor and offer some guidance when you have concerns or she has doubts. You have expressed your concerns. She doesn’t necessarily have doubts. Children, whether young or old, want to have the freedom to make their own choices...even if it leads to them making their own mistakes. We learn from each choice we make and every mistake we have to endure. You might consider that “financial security” is not something of great importance to your daughter. This is unfortunate in some ways, because this might mean her life is more difficult, and you will have to hurt for her in those moments. This will be the times, if it happens, you get to make a choice on whether or not to assist her when the financial difficulties become her reality. You don’t have to be supportive of the marriage to be supportive of your daughter. I would encourage you to engage her in wedding planning because it will probably happen, even if you don’t desire it. You don’t want to miss out on that very special moment and one time only event with your daughter just because you disagree with her choice. It is HER choice! You did your duty. She’s all grown up. It is time to let her “fly.” You don’t want to create tension and animosity during a time meant to be amazing for her and beautifully bonding for a mother and daughter.

Q: If I’m completely honest with myself, I am really scared because I’m not married yet, and I feel like all of my friends are. Am I doing something wrong as far as not meeting the right person? How can I put myself in the place to meet more good men, and how do I deal with my insecurities?

A: First...you are NOT alone!** I don’t know your age, but I know a large number of the 30-somethings (age 28-38) of today, at least in Birmingham, are struggling with these same fears and issues. This age group seems to be one of the first to put education and self before marriage and babies. Now is your time! It’s your time to establish yourself as a person and in your profession. The key is being happy and loving yourself!!! There is also the piece about putting yourself in the right places. Online dating is obviously the ONLY way people seem to think there is to meet someone. Unfortunately, it has also turned into more of a game of roulette with the “hookup” culture of today. Try putting your devices away and getting out of your house. Go out and meet new living, breathing people...not those virtual ones getting their egos stroked by how many swipes they can get while leaving frustrated, heart-broken, good people to wonder what they did wrong. Remember, the more people you know, the more opportunity you have to meet MORE people! > More people means more opportunity for singles, and that includes single men! If you have always had your same close circle of friends, maybe it’s time to venture out. Join some charity organizations. Go to charity events. Volunteer for some new things aligning with your values and interests. Try a new hobby. Develop a larger social network! Let this city and its people be your “matchmakers.”

Q: We were married about a year ago, and I feel like our intimacy (sex life) is nothing like it used to be. We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other, and now the spark is gone. Is this normal? Is there something we can do?

A: Unfortunately, it is relatively normal for the spark to die out a bit once married for period of time.** You are through the honeymoon stage, and now you are moving into “real life.” Sometimes this happens earlier than others. Much of the time this is due to the two of you developing your routine, and that routine fails to consist of intimacy opportunities. The practice of dating provides an expectation of tons of communication and personal interaction. We are connecting on a very deep emotional level. Maybe we aren’t living together, so our opportunities for those sexually-charged intimate moments are cherished and valued on an entirely different plain. Then the energy of planning a wedding and creating a home turns to balancing a budget, sharing chores, planning every night around another person’s schedule, etc! Do you see where this is going? Finances, chores, and a loss of independence is much less “sexy” than date nights, weekend rendezvous, and dream weddings. > Now is time for true adjustment! Turn off Netflix, and put your devices DOWN!!! It is time to reinstate intimate moments...the emotional ones and the sexual ones. Love Map and Open-Ended Question cards from the Gottman online store are great ways to open lines of communication in a lighter, playful way. Schedule dates nights EVERY week! You don’t get to stop dating just because you got married! Now you have to be even more intentional about dating one another...more intentional about loving one another...more intentional about staying emotionally and sexually connected! Marriage is WORK, but it is ABSOLUTELY worth the effort!!!

If you’d like to ask an anonymous question to Dr. Misty, please email it to: info@abouttown.io

Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT Nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.