Do I Follow My Heart or My Head?

Q: I have a huge crush on someone who I met about 6 months ago. The person doesn’t know, and I have a feeling he has no interest in me.  I’m also dating someone else who I do like a lot. But I’m becoming obsessed with this other guy even though my logic says he’s not that into me. Do I follow my heart or my head?

A: I suppose I’m not sure which is your heart and which is your head!

Obsessions have a funny way of ruining really amazing relationships and leaving you heart-broken and alone! Be cautious of your “obsessive compulsive” and/or addictive personality characteristics. There is the possibility you are obsessing because the current relationship isn’t the right relationship or isn’t fulfilling enough to stand the test of time. Have you considered just taking a chance and asking the crush about his interest in you or just talking to the guy you are interested in about life, love, etc.? Maybe you would have a better gauge on any possible interest before you make a decision on the current dating partner. If you continue to have obsessive thoughts about the crush, it is probably time to do a lot of self-reflection about who you are dating. Dating serves an actual purpose. It is to help us determine the right fit for us for a long-term partner. It is meant to help us understand the things we find important in a partner. Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you need a “good reason” to get out of the relationship. You CAN just stop dating. Maybe you need to figure out if what you “like a lot” about your current dating partner is enough for something long-term.

‍Q: The holidays are always tough because my parents are divorced, and really don’t like each other. I’m also newly engaged. He comes from a very stable loving family, and my family has so much drama and conflict going on. How do I manage my insecurities during all of these family get-togethers?

A: Embrace the LOVE and STABILITY!!!

Many families have drama, and many times it shines brighter during the holiday season! It is the unfortunate part of not being able to choose the family in which we are born. You are engaged now, and you will begin establishing a family and traditions of your own choosing. This is the time to release those insecurities because they no longer have to “define” who you are. Your future hubby needs to know what he’s going into with this marriage, but the two of you now get to choose how much of that drama you want to embrace and how much you want to avoid! Consider yourself lucky...you will now have a family you may choose to spend time with who doesn’t bring about quite the stress and anxiety I sense your biological family provides. I’m not suggesting you disown or disregard your own family, but maybe it is the perfect time to limit that interaction to establish your “new” family traditions!

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If you’d like to ask an anonymous question to Dr. Misty, please email it to: info@abouttown.io

Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT Nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.