**Q: I feel like my child constantly stares at his screens (tablets & phone). It’s like an addiction! Social interactions and physical activities are things he hardly wants to do. What can I do?**> **A: It IS an addiction!!! At least it will be**, if parameters are not established soon. It’s time to schedule some interactive playdates and social outings, and get them involved in something active, such as sports or dance. When you take away electronic options and “screentime,” it is amazing at how interested kids become in those old-school, playtime activities. Given that most of the kids today have had electronics at their fingertips since they were infants, it might take some encouragement and parent participation to teach them how to play in a different way. The issue seems to be as much about parents becoming lazy as it is about kids not actually wanting to do anything but “screentime.”> Start with limits on “screentime.” Set up curfews using parental controls on anything they use to ensure some of these limits when you aren’t around. The biggest change comes with you making a choice to spend additional time with your kids, giving them options for “mommy/daddy” time. Have a family meeting, and ask your kids exactly what they would like to do with their time IF there were no electronics to use. Give them some options. Think about what you did when you were a child and what you still might enjoy. It would be a good idea to evaluate exactly what you are doing with your free time. Our kids learn by example, and, unfortunately, we are not always the best examples when it comes to putting down our phones or our iPads or our laptops and actually spending quality time with our children. Most children I see, including my own, would take an outing with a parent over a day on their screen almost every time.
**Q: We have twins and my husband and I are still letting them sleep in the bed with us too often. They’re six and we know they need to be sleeping in their own beds, but we never have the energy to fight with them at night about it. Is there a course of action you’d recommend, or is this not that big of a deal?**> **A: This is a very big deal!** This is a big deal for several different reasons. Your children need to learn the art of self-control and self-soothing. If you continue to allow them to sleep in your bed, they become dependent on you and your husband for these skills. This sets them up for issues in other areas as they get older. They either are, or will be, in school soon. This is also something of concern. Sleeping in the bed with mommy and daddy sets them up for being criticized or bullied when those new friends find out these little details in school. > So the truth is…getting your 6 year old out of your bed is going to be extremely difficult! When you have been doing this all of their lives, they have developed a significant amount of dependency on the two of you. You might try starting school with a new “attitude.” Give them a pep talk/warning that you are going to put them in their own rooms when school begins because they are going to be a new Big Kid. You could take them shopping to pick out Big Kid furniture for their bedrooms so it feels like their unique space. This would come with an agreement that they would then sleep in their own bedrooms. It is likely you will have to lay down with them or sit beside their bed while they go to sleep for a bit. Don’t allow this to go on too long, and only do it when absolutely necessary.> I would recommend sitting beside their bed and holding their hand instead of laying in their bed because this can become a different kind of problem! I imagine the idea would be for you and your husband to finally have time in a bed together without children. If you start laying down in their bed too much, you might find yourself not even sleeping in the same bed. Positive reinforcement is wonderful when it comes to helping your kids grow up. Give them rewards they can earn for every night they go to sleep in their bed and every night they sleep all night in their bed. > Really examine whether their sleeping in your bed has to do with their dependency or your inability to let go. Don’t allow your issues to negatively impact your children’s ability to grow into independent, productive little humans.

**If you have an anonymous question you'd like to ask Dr. Misty, please email it to info@abouttown.io**.

Image

Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT Nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.

## The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.